If Chuck Norris were ... oh wait he is ...

• Chuck Norris can sort in O(1).
• Chuck Norris can call pure virtual functions.
• All turing machines will terminate for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris can throw exceptions from destructors, in all cases.
• Chuck Norris can instantiate interfaces.
• Chuck Norris can return values from constructors.
• Chuck Norris' destructors can take arguments.
• Chuck Norris knows a clean way to use the visitor pattern with checked exceptions.
• Chuck Norris can use closures in Brainfuck.
• Chuck Norris finished the hurd kernel years ago, he just doesn't feel like releasing the code.
• You may think Linus Torvalds is much cooler than Chuck Norris, well they are the same person.
• Dereferencing null pointers fails because the memory with this adress is owned by Chuck Norris.
• Object inherits from Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.
• Chuck Norris can overflow your stack just by looking at it.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses.
• Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations ... ever.
• The programs that Chuck Norris writes don’t have version numbers because he only writes them once. If a user reports a bug or has a feature request they don’t live to see the sun set.
• Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
• Chuck Norris can binary search unsorted data.
• Chuck Norris doesn't get compiler warnings. In fact, hardware is so scared of him, it will interpret his programs directly.
• The one true bracing style is the one Chuck Norris uses.
• Chuck Norris never changed a running system, but he sure could.
• Every time you use Visual Basic Chuck Norris kills a kitten.
• Chuck Norris has never seen a kitten video on youtube.
• Chuck Norris can pack his backpack perfectly in O(1).
• Chuck Norris doesn't need the observer pattern, he observes everything.-
• Chuck Norris can use a One Time Pad twice without losing perfect security.
• Chuck Norris knows all data ever piped to /dev/null.